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The Second Aftershock…

The Second Aftershock…

I jumped out of a plane two weeks ago.  I did it with no fear.  The most amazing thing was how peaceful and beautiful it was.  Working through these stages increases peace and enjoyment.  They are essential.

I entered this second part of Ravaged (Anger and depression) with a vengeance.  I remained stuck in this place like a roller coaster ride for about six horribly painful, lonely years (it was the mid-80’s).  Destructively I blamed and raged at everyone and everything for life’s problems and was unable to feel angry with the rapist.  I did not know a thing about ‘connecting-the-dots’ of what I was going through to the rape and the rapist.  Oh no, I was fine and all outside of me were the problem.

Here is a good example of how crazy I was.  I had a Kirby vacuum in those days.  For those of you who know what these workhorses are no explanation is necessary.  For those who don’t, let’s just say they are monster workhorses; very heavy, strong, bulky things.  It’s a workout just to use them!  Well, this particular day it would not work.  In my vain attempts to keep my rigid schedule ( an unprofitable way of trying to feel some control; common to survivors) I got so mad  I stomped on it so hard I actually broke it into several pieces!!  I then proceeded to furiously throw that stupid thing into the car, manhandle my two poor little ones in and drove off to the repair shop, all three of us in tears.  I so wish I had a picture of me.  If I did I would not be ashamed to show it; no make-up, hair awry, dressed in shabby (not sheek for you decorators out there) housework clothes.  I was well past the first aftershock briefly described in my previous post.  The picture of this woman hardly does me justice.

crazy-womanRage, anger and depression are common in this Ravaged stage.  Yours or another’s journey through it will be uniquely designed for your God-designed uniqueness.  Mine was a living hell for me, my husband, and children.  It was made infinitely worse by my lack of having a compassionate community, ignorance, and help.

The primary message of this part of my story and journey is Hope.  Yes, hope with the operative word being through.  It is true survivors can stay stuck here for the rest of their lives. There are many reasons and circumstances that can promote this trap.  For me, I am grateful the Lord did not allow me to stay here.  To this day I stand amazed that God in his infinite mercy was sort of hounding me to begin a new journey.  How I ever began the journey to becoming a therapist with a specialization in this area is beyond me.  Yet, He somehow helped me to hear Him.  He opened doors.  I depended on Him through many years of education and training.  From the start, this new journey was the beginning of my taking the next step of Reorganization.

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