The Four R’s

Soon you will be seeing some stories of survivors come up on this blog.  You will also soon be seeing some positive changes to the website.  I am looking forward to these things.

Intermittently among these stories I will be writing about the four R’s of recovery for all survivors, no matter what the age.  Even if you were very young, a baby even, or an adult survivor, you go through or get stuck in these stages.  Someone can be stuck without even having a conscious memory of what happened to them.  Coping strategies take over without Intentional Choice to heal the wound.  I write about my coping strategies in my book Redeem The Silence: an Unintended Journey.  There are a myriad of coping strategies.  Stories of survivors can help other survivors understand what some of them are.  Mine were definitely strategies that I had learned in order to survive in my family when I was growing up.

So, the four R’s are the following;

  • Ravaged
  • Reorganization
  • Resolution
  • Redemption

If you have not made an Intentional Choice to step onto the Recovery Road then maybe you can identify where you are.  What I mean about the making an Intentional Choice to get on the road is this:  the road is like a freeway.  It has many entrances and exits.  A survivor can get on the road simply by making an Intentional Choice to tell a safe person for the first time what happened to them.  Secrets are what I call ’emotional cancer.’  Or, one can write it out, speak into a recorder, etc.  Just beginning to get it out of you and on the the outside is an entrance onto the freeway.  

Another entrance is to begin to see a counselor who is specifically trained to treat SV (sexual violence).  This might or might not be a professional or a Christian.  When one has brain cancer surgery, one wants the best surgeon they can find, regardless of his worldview or belief system.  Good training for lay counselors teaches them to know their limits. 

These are two examples.  If it is a secret, then unconsciously you are in the Ravaged Stage.  Coping mechanisms have taken over.  These will probably break down sometime on life’s journey. 

I am not sure if any of you out there are really interested in having me write a lot of information about these stages.  I have been advised to lessen the information giving on the blog and lighten up, as I have mentioned before.

Here is the ‘lightening up’ as I am thinking about it.  It is what starts to happen for survivors who are on the Recovery Road.  The following is from my book:

If you have made the Intentional Choice to get on the Recovery Road, you’ll notice changes happening.  Like an egg, you peck away as long as it takes to break your shell.  Gradually, the shell cracks.  Pieces come off.  A scrawny wet chick shakes itself to dry and start a new life.   If you’ve made the choice….maybe you have started seeing a therapist, joined a recovery group, been reading and/or journaling….and as you go through Resolution please remember that as progress moves forward, it can circle backwards and you might feel like you are back at the beginning, but you won’t be.  Once you have begun the Recovery Road, even if you take an exit,you have still made progress on the journey.

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