Susan’s Story

Here is one woman’s brave story of  Stranger/Alcohol Rape…it was not easy for her to write it out.  She has stayed on her Unintended Journey and her story goes well beyond what she wrote here.  I hope someday she can continue it.

When I was 19 years old I went to a party with a friend of mine.  We
ended up at a Frat house with two other guys and she ended up messing
around with one of them and wanted to stay.  I wanted to go home so
one of the guys agreed to drive me home.  He drove me into the parking
lot of where I lived and then backed out and drove me to a house far
away. I vaguely remember the rest.  I do know that this man raped me.
I screamed thinking that someone would come rescue me, but that didn’t
happen.

I was so drunk during the rape the details were impossible to
remember.  I could not even remember what the guy looked like which
really freaked me out for a long time.  Every time I went out, I
wondered if he was around and I didn’t know it.

I did not report the rape to authorities, because I was sure they
would not believe me or even care.  I did eventually tell my mother
and she said if you were drunk, how do you even know it really
happened.  She did not believe me, nor did she seem to care.

I moved on and got married a few years later and thought all my
problems were behind me.  I had my first child a year after I got
married and tried to settle in to my new exciting life as a wife and
mother.  I had everything a person could want but I was severely
insecure and depressed.

I went to several different counselors and psychiatrists and ended up
diagnosed with bipolar and put on medications.  I was a zombie.  I had
no feelings.  I stayed on the meds for a couple of years.  That did
not seem right to me.  I did not want to be on meds for the rest of my
life.  So, I went off the medication and sought out a counselor again.
This time I ended up with someone who knew how to help me, and that was the best thing that could have happened to me.  When asked why I was there, I told
her I wanted to know for sure if I had bipolar or not.  She let me
know that she would not be able to tell me right away.  After about
six months of seeing her , she let me know that it was my past that
had not been dealt with that was causing me the symptoms of bipolar.  I
chose to do the work  and eventually got free.  I am no longer on meds
and no longer have depression.  It took awhile and a lot of work to
get there.

I did have to go back and heal the damage that was caused by the rape.
I chose to have EMDR to help me.  I remember it taking months to
process through all of the fear and grief that I had buried so long
ago.  I remember having a flash back one night after a session and
thinking that I was going mad.  I even called the psychiatric hotline
for help.  It’s been 10 years since I started healing so a lot of what
I went through is now a distant memory and difficult to recall.  I do
know that one night I had a dream and in that dream God healed me and
made me feel pure.  My counselor remembers this was revealed to me in
a dream.

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