So Wonderful

It was so wonderful to be able to walk this morning.  I mean really, really wonderful.  I have a condition known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  It isn’t every day that I can walk and be outside where I love to be.  This condition is being researched.  Some research points to a viral connection.  Other points to a possible DNA change when the body is under too much stress.  One therapist I worked with in the 90’s had researched what was available then on the subject.  He told me something interesting that I have never since seen in any articles about CSF.  He said the one common factor among all CFS sufferers is a history of trauma.   While those of us with CFS have it in varying degrees of severity, it may be no accident that more women than men have it.  The research I read recently about the DNA studies was very interesting considering what this therapist had told me.  Whether it is viral or the stress of trauma that can create a DNA change is not all that hopeful for us with CFS.  Viral infections cannot always be treated like bacterial ones, and can  DNA change be reversed?  Well, hopefully if someone reads this who is in the medical field and is researching this medical mystery can blog in and tell us more.  Meanwhile, all that to tell you how wonderful it is, what joy it brings when I can get out and walk, especially if I am able to make it early enough to join a group of my neighbors; that just adds to the delight.

Besides the fear that had ruled my upbringing (fear bonds instead of love bonds really puts stess on a kid), my story of rape (an adult trauma) began as follows:

Going about my usual Wednesday routine, I was focusing on what I needed to get done during the day.  My life was well-ordered and organized.  I had a good husband.  We had a nice home on a suburban cull-de-sac with a pool in the back yard.  We were the proud and busy parents of two darn-near perfect kids, the born-again Christian parents who were doing everything we knew to be right according to the Bible.  In one moment, it all began to crumble.

Mid -morning after my regular gym class, I stopped by for groceries and turned toward home.  Pulling into the garage, I began the usual hassle of unloading.  Juggling my gym bag with milk and bread, and a diaper bag, I tried to hoist my 22-month-old son and his baby-blue silky out of the car.  Dropping and bending to pick up the silky, I made my way to the door leading into the house, not noticing deep gouges on the door jamb.  Working my way up the stairs, I set Wesley down to toddle his way into the living room, calling “Come up and get your diaper changed Kiddo!”

Glancing over my shoulder Wesley plopped down, happily relaxing on the floor, his hands behind his head.  Leaving him briefly, I went to the upstairs bathroom in the master bedroom suite.  I was happily wondering how much I could accomplish in the couple of hours before my five-year-old daughter was due home from Kindergarten by carpool.

Suddenly, without warning, life changed in an instant.  Confronted by a stocky-build man just inside the bathroom door, I went numb.  In an instant I registered he was about 5-foot-10-inches tall.  The barrel of the revolver in his hand was pointed directly at me.

My mind raced to make sense out of the seemingly impossible.  Was this my some kind of practical joke?  Had my brother-in-law gotten off work to pull this stunt?  What was he doing in my bedroom?

The man grabbed my arm and whirled me around, facing away.  No. No. No.  This could not be real!  That was the last glimpse I had of the man, who had a nylon pulled over his face.  But the memories were seared upon my mind.

Shoving me from the master bathroom into the bedroom, the masked man made me get face down on the floor.  He jammed the gun into the side of my skull, demanding to know when others were expected home, threatening to shoot me if I lied.  Hoping to scare him, I told him my husband was to arrive home soon with our daughter.  He demanded money.  I told him where some was.  As he pressed the gun more firmly into the side of my head, he told me he’d already gotten that.

To be continued tomorrow….

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