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One Lie That Seems Comfortable to Believe; Time Heals All Wounds

One Lie That Seems  Comfortable to Believe; Time Heals All Wounds

I really believe in the 4 R’s of recovery of sexual assault.  I have lived and am living on this Unintended Journey.  I have worked with hundreds of clients.  I have extrapolated the sequence of this Unintended Journey through the above as well as being trained.  When I was an intern, I had a supervisor who was very savvy to the prevalence of sexual assault.  When she mentioned what certain symptoms in a case study might mean; I took them to heart.  We had a recent conversation about how few interns get what she is trying to wake them up to.  I am so glad I did, as it changed my life both personally and professionally.

Time alone does not heal all wounds.  In sexual assault doing nothing with the time can create a festering infected wound that leaves survivors in desperation, often not even understanding what is going on.

Recently I did some posts on the first 2 R’s; Ravaged and Reorganization. Of necessity in these short messages, their descriptions are brief. For more in depth study of these stages I refer to my book.

At this point I want to review the process of this Unintended Journey. It is not like passing mile one, then two, and there is a final destination point that we can all just drive to.  Instead it is a process, much like taking two steps forward and one back, but the movement is always forward.  I post the following chart in an attempt to show the forward movement.  Choices we make along the way are a primary determinate of  how our individual journeys turn out.




When I was in the Reorganization Stage I did not know it. In the midst of the Post Traumatic Stress (almost all suffer from this diagnosis after a violation), I desperately used all my childhood brain trained coping mechanisms to: get a sense of control, get the routine back, tried to be super mom (an impossibility for any mom ever), Academy Award Winning Recovery (pretending all is well when it isn’t), and be ultra responsible were the main ones.  I started with group therapy that was part of my graduate program.  Then, when working with a therapist finally, in 3 years there was only one session when the wound got opened.  Though she was able to comfort me, she did not prepare me for the possible consequences of leaving her office with a surgical incision that was bleeding.  So, the following week I became suicidal.  I planned it all out.  I also could not bear the thought of leaving my precious children with the legacy of a mom who committed suicide so I planned to kill them too.  Yes, the above is the hard truth.  Fortunately I was able to step back and observe how such a story would end.  I could suddenly really know the desperation inside of the poor souls who commit such heinous acts.  Their pain is unbearable.

When I went to my next counseling session I told the therapist.  She simply said, oh, yes I should have prepared you.

My friend, the above is not a therapist of choice to work with when there is trauma.  When Reorganization breaks down (or ideally before it does) there are great help options available.  There isn’t just one way to move into and through Resolution but there are good choices available to heal and grow through it.

Next time I will blog about what I believe to be the best help options to choose from.  Hint: Immanuel Healing…check it out at


  1. Dora Simms says

    All I can say is you are brave and courageous. God’s redeeming grace in full display and you continue your journey of helping others.

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