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One Big Way To Try To Stay Peaceful

One Big Way To Try To Stay Peaceful

Three-monkeysTo be honest, there are times when denial seems a lot more comfortable.  I do dream of taking a trip down ‘de Nile. Ahhh, maybe it will happen someday.

To keep the peace, rather than being peacemakers seems so much easier.  If denial wasn’t living a lie(s) then lets face it, wouldn’t we all want it? I would.  Yet we do want it.  We hold our hand up against truth, wanting to keep our truth-avoidance in tact so we can feel comfortable.  And who likes resolving conflicts?  So, we like denial as a way to ‘avoid’ conflicts.  Such a great way to keep the truth about sexual violations out of our cultural and personal awareness.  What is hard for most of us to realize is that denial comes with a great cost.  If you need a witness, an addict truly working the 12 steps is usually a good one.

And take note, addiction is not a requirement for being in denial land.  I am not an addict, but lived much of my life in denial land.  I did it because I was taught it growing up.  I did it because it kept the status quo (false peace)  even once I became aware I was living a lie with my family, pretending things were okay when they weren’t.  My addiction was accomplishments.


Our use of language in the area of sexual violations keeps a cultural/personal denial going.  Let’s take sex-trafficking for example.  Sex cannot be trafficked.  It cannot be bought.  Sex is only between two consenting adults.  It might be rape-trafficking, sexual assault trafficking, or prostitution trafficking.  What does human trafficking really tell us?  What do we all think human/’sex’ trafficking really truly is?  I say the words we use is a way to keep our heads in the sand like any good ostrich.

And can there really ever be a child prostitute?   Predators can prostitute a child, but a child prostitute is an impossibility, and oxymoron.  Andrew Vachss is an attorney who is my most favorite writer on this problem of denial language.  He does it best.

Let’s call rape, in all it’s various forms it is rape.  I discuss 15 different types in my book.  Let’s call all forms of sexual assault, in all arenas of our lives by their truthful names.  Together we can help ourselves and change our culture.  The real words only have power when we as humans give it to them.

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