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My Kitchen

Why my kitchen?

Some of you out there can probably relate to this story.  Our kitchen has been under remodel for over a year.  It all started with just a counter-top replacement.  Well, the job was so badly done, we have had to go through all kinds of hoops to get it replaced, and then replaced again.  In the meantime, the installation workers that we were sent did a lot of damage to various parts of the project.  The existing counter top has been left with two chips in it.  The rest of the kitchen is a mess, with damage to the stove-top, floors, walls doors, etc.  We had electrical sockets hanging loose from the wall until just last month.  We have and do want to avoid litigation if at all possible.  Through most of the mess, God has really helped me remain calm.  My stress levels and anger levels have been fine until last month.  It is time for it to end.   I am really quick to anger on this issue.  James 1:19- 21 says the following: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.  Therefore put off all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, that can save you.” I added the italics because I am so struck by man’s anger being moral filth and evil.

Well, I have been praying for the ability to do exactly what this scripture says as I deal these people.  I am so tempted and guilty of being quick to speak and get angry with these people.  Being quick to anger is not usually a big problem for me now, but there was a time in my life when it really really was.

Anger is, I will venture to say, universal amongst sexual violence (SV) survivors.  Oh, it might be pushed down deep inside, it might be being acted out blaming, complaining, and explaining.  It is embedded in addictions, depression, and many types of disorders and relationship problems.

I have written a lot about anger in my book Redeem The Silence; an Unintended Journey. If we want to be on the Recovery Road to heal the emotional cancer our injury has done to us, anger will almost always need to be addressed.  Probably always, I just shy away from absolute statements.  In the six years after I was raped, I was a wreck, though I was desperately using all my childhood coping strategies to be OK.  I had children to raise after all.  There was no help available that I knew of.  I did not know I needed help.  So, in the midst of my increasing depression I acted out in anger.  I blamed my husband for the pain I felt.  I yelled at my kids and was harsh with them.  I put on the best public face I could.  However, until I made the Intentional Choice to do things to start healing  the anger was a strong symptom of my emotional cancer.  Now I know that my natural personality self is slow to anger.  Have you ever taken the DISC test?  I have, 5 times over that past 6 years.  It can tell you a lot about yourself if you let it.

Well, I take seriously the words in James.  I wish I had understood them better 25 years ago.  I have since made amends to my husband and children and asked for their forgiveness.  Twelve step work really helped me live Matt:18.  Anger can be your friend if you will let it help you connect the dots to its true source which is only within you, not others.

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