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How To Have Healing and Ongoing Hope

Hope is a choice.

HOPE.  There wasn’t any for me or so I thought.  I was raped September 22, 1982.  It was mid-morning, in my home, on my bed.  My mind raced to make sense out of the seemingly impossible.  Was this some kind of a bad practical joke?  Had my brother-in law gotten off of work to pull this stunt?  What was this man doing in my bedroom? 

He had a nylon pulled over his face.  He grabbed my arm and whirled me around, facing away.  No!  No! This could not be real!  That was the last glimpse I had of the man.  But the impact was seared in my mind, heart, and soul.

The masked man shoved me from the master bath into the bedroom and made me get face down on the floor.  He jammed the gun into the side of my skull, demanding to know when others were expected home, threatening to shoot me if I lied.

Using several scarves he’d found in a drawer, he blindfolded me so tightly that later I had trouble seeing.  He tied my hands behind my back. He proceeded to to rape me in more ways than I am sure you wish to imagine  I cried out in pain, but he told me to shut up and raped me more brutally.  At one point, he tried to make me say disgusting things to him.  When I just couldn’t he shouted, “You’re not talking!”  Instead, I could only say, “Jesus loves you, and you don’t have to do this.”  He kept on, and I lost track of time.

The above is a short summary of what happened to me.

So where is the HOPE?  My Unintended Journey is interwoven in my book as I describe my process through the four R’s, Ravaged, Reorganization, Resolution, and Redemption.  I use other stories as well.  If we choose to get on the Recovery Road our process is unique, mine is and has been very unique, though there are patterns that can be identified for all survivors.

I have a chronic health problem that led me to try bio and neurofeedback  therapy with a psychologist.  I did this about 3 years ago. He became intrigued with my website and what I do.  He asked if he could hook me up to all these wires and probes  and ask me questions about the rape.  He had just never met anyone who lights up when talking about this issue.  So, the computer monitor registered absolutely no bio or neuro indications of any physiological reaction.  It was a joy to have him interested and to share my story and what God has done through it.  Peace.  He was really surprised.  It isn’t very often one gets physical evidence of the healed wound.

The ongoing hope when a sexual violation wound is truly healed is the hope of a Journey of transformation into Christ-likeness.  For my own healing story, this part of the Journey is the best outcome and is an ongoing lifestyle.

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